It's now or never

A friend of mine has been courting this girl since forever and until now, he still doesn't know where he stands. In one dire moment, he (finally) thought of giving up and that he had done enough waiting for nothing.

This led me to thinking "in courtship, how long is too long?"

During my teenage years, (being a Filipina) saying "YES" to a suitor right away is a no-no. If I remember it correctly, I waited for 4 months before saying yes to my first boyfriend. Besides the reason I wanted to make sure of his feelings, I really didn't want to be uncomfortable when answering the question "Gaano katagal ka nya niligawan?". Yes dear, it was a big deal back then. (To think, for a long time my lolo had to "igib" water and "biak" wood for lola during their time.)

I am not sure if today's society has too much of Sex and the City; undeniably, the realm of courting has changed. There is less of it and there is more of dating. As what Parokya ni Edgar said, uso pa ba ang harana?

Which leads me to another question ... dating and courting: what's the difference between the two?

Although often used in a synonymous manner, dating and courting are two different concepts. Dating is about meeting someone and having fun. Although considered to be a casual relationship, holding hands and kissing are acceptable. (Sometimes, there's even more.) They say a couple who is only dating doesn't have marriage in mind. They just go on dating without making clear to each other where the relationship is heading.

On the other hand, courting is more about getting to know someone better and discovering if they are compatible for marriage. A couple usually begins as friends and then leads to talks about dreams, beliefs, family, etc. A friend of mine said that in a courtship, the intentions of the guy are made clear. And in a book she read, one of the advices is not to date and court if a person is not ready to face the altar.

With the last one, it was more of going out and saying yes when asked to give a relationship a try because it just felt right. Well, maybe it wasn't casual dating because we were friends before it started. I am in my late 20s now and definitely my way of thinking has changed. I won't deny the fact that a cloud called marriage is looming over my head. (Yaiikkss ... now that should scare guys away.) Yes, I can go out on a date and have fun; but if that date leads to a string of dates and more, I would prefer to know what we are doing and where we are heading before the 50th date coz waiting for nothing is something I don't have time for.


(By the way, my friend has not given up ... that's 2 years of waiting for you. I guess that's how much he loves the girl.)