A new look for a new me? *Pause* ... a new me? Besides this new pesky swelling on my right cheek near my mouth, there's nothing much new with me. Work is still keeping me busy. I am not yet prepared for the upcoming JLPT. I seem to have hit a plateau with my weight loss. (Actually, I am in the verge of gaining what I have lost so far. *waahh* )
And you know what's even more frustrating? It is finding out that after all this time, thoughts of you can still cause an emotional stir within me. These thoughts rarely cross my mind now; but once they do, as much as I hate to admit it, they can still revive the why questions that have kept me awake for countless nights.
... why did you give up? (when what we had just started)
... why was I not good enough for you? (while you are near perfect in my eyes)
... why did it have to end that way? (when things could've been different)
I sound sooo pathetic. Why am I feeling this way again? Is it maybe because of the cold weather that we are having? Or the fact that I feel so alone at the moment? But then again, maybe it's just the hormones speaking.
I really need a change of scenery. As long as I stay here, I will never be able to move on. I need to go to some place where thoughts of you won't haunt me anymore. But who am I kidding? Such a place doesn't exist on earth. For I truly believe that a person can only get over someone completely if he/she has someone new in his/her life. But since I am nowhere near the vicinity of having that someone new, I can only keep my mind occupied so that there will be less, less thoughts of you. And if they do come up, then I guess I just have to deal with them on my own way (stupidly it may be ... just like writing this entry).
For sure, things will be different tomorrow. I will feel okay. I can again honestly reply "I'm good." when asked how I'm doing. I will be fabulous once more. And maybe, a new me will soon follow the new look of this little haven that I own.
Until then ...
I got myself a new commenting system. Too bad old blogger comments can't be imported.
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