It's now or never

With all the farewell parties and gatherings that have been going on these past days, I have gotten a somewhat clear picture of how people see me.

To some, I am the charming Odessa who has this carefree outlook in life. Bubbly, lively, sweet, easygoing, lighthearted and cheerful are some of the adjectives used in describing yours truly. And it warms my heart to hear such words coming from their mouths.

Of course, not all that was said is nice and pleasant. Authoritative, mataray and someone having a strong personality were also used. I do not find these words a bit offensive and hearing them certainly doesn't infuriate me. I know I can be bitchy to some people at times; but it is because that person has done something which I find wrong or annoying. I am a follower of rules and regulations. I do not like other people (especially the Japanese) to find some reasons to dislike me or us Filipinos. And if you happen to do such a thing, I won't hesitate letting you know that.

To others, kinda aloof was their first impression of me. I admit they are right. I am fully aware that I may seem snobbish and unapproachable the first time we meet or first few days/weeks we are together. A friend once told me how afraid she was of me during the time we were still roommates. She found me strict and cold. (I want to reason out and say it's just because I was used to not having a roommate that I had a hard time adjusting to my new situation. I know it's not a valid reason; so, I just want to say sorry for being so bitchy before.) But now that we have become good friends, she has come to know me well and now find my antics amusing. She can now even afford to tease me to death.

I know that easygoing and authoritative are two contradicting words. It seems strange to hear these words to describe one person. But as what some of my friends say, I have a split-personality disorder. I can be sweet and charming at one moment and be mataray and bitchy the next. Well, that's mood swings bebe.

What I can assure you though is that once we have become good friends, you will come to realize that I'm a sweet, generous, protective and loving friend who you can count on. (Some people can vouch for that.)

Some people may think that the main reason why I will be going home for good is because I am hoping to meet THE ONE soon (and finding him in Japan is very unlikely) since I will be turning 29 this year. I can't blame them for thinking that way because that's what I have been telling people. Although partly true, it's not something that I will place all my efforts on. And it would certainly not despair me if ever I do not find THE ONE.

Well, the thought of being single forever used to scare me to bits. The idea of not having someone to spend my lifetime with used to horrify me. The word single-blessedness used to be appalling. However, this way of thinking changed after a retreat I attended a couple of years back. In one of the sessions, we were asked to close our eyes and imagine ourselves inside a room with someone knocking at the door. We were asked to open the door and let that someone in. When I opened the door, there was this beautiful Being who held my hand, asked me to sit down with Him and said to me in the most gentle voice I have heard:

"I know you have been asking Me to send you your special someone for a while now. It must quite frustrating having to wait such a long time. And it might sound selfish but for now I want to have you for Myself first. I would like you to know what a wonderful person you are. I would like you to feel how much I love you. I hope that's okay with you..."


After hearing that, I came to realize that He needs me to know how special I am. For how I can I love another person if I haven't loved myself first.

After hearing that, it brought me to thinking why He hasn't allowed me to meet THE ONE yet. He first wants to have a strong relationship with me before I start having one with some other guy. For He knows that once I get involved with someone else, the little bond we have will weaken; and I will just be neglecting Him in the end.

After hearing that, it dawned to me how shallow and small-minded I have been. Here's this Someone who loves me unconditionally but who I have been ignoring. I couldn't help say to myself -- why have I been searching and waiting for a man who will care for me when there is this Someone who already loves and accepts me for who I am?

DDY (dadating din yun) ... a friend told me. In His time, I may meet THE ONE. But if THE ONE will not come, then I guess He hasn't found someone who's worthy of my love and attention. Or maybe, He is having too much fun with our relationship? Or maybe, He thinks that in being single, I can love and devote my life not only to one person but to a lot of people who seek for my love and attention.

And knowing that, single-blessedness doesn't seem sad and scary at all.

I am still here (hi cil!). I know it has been days since my last entry. With less than two weeks left before I leave Japan, the past few days have been crazy; staying awake until the wee hours of the morning (read: 4AM or later). First it was due to the packing marathon which I thankfully finished before the pick-up guy arrived last Saturday. Then, in preparation for Sunday's party, I together with some friends (thank you for all the help girls!), had to stay up and prepare the food to be served the following day. Come Sunday, well, it was drinking and dancing until I was too buzzed to shake my booty. Monday was for cleaning up Sunday's mess. As for last night, I was zonked out by 10PM. Don't make me start with my daytime activities, I will just bore you to death. Instead, here are some photos from the mini-party.




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AI! (This is for you Muckdog and other fanatics.)

This week's show was awesome. Using Randy dawg's words, it went like a bomb. Except for one or two finalists, they were at their best.

Best guy performance: Nikko Smith
Best girl performance: Jessica Sierra

Amazing! I couldn't stop myself from clapping and cheering after watching both performances -- good song choice; perfect for the kind of voice they have. Both performances gave me goosebumps.

Well, Carrie came a close second to Jessica; while Vonzell was not far behind. As for the guys, I think Nikko was ahead of the others by a mile. Even Bo and Anwar (my other two favorites) didn't do as good as Nikko.

My bottom three -- Mikalah, Nadia and ... (hhmmmm, hard to pick the third one) Anthony or Constantine perhaps?

The person who needs to leave this week -- definitely Mikalah!

Just my two cents.

Look at what was waiting for me in the office yesterday morning... my WHITE DAY goodies!!!


Yummyyy!

(I was not able to go to the office last Monday because I was not feeling well -- making me miss the White day frenzy. Good thing I still got my share of White day sweets. *happy*)

I have been packing my stuff like crazy these past couple of days. Going to sleep when the sun is up already and still I am nowhere close to emptying my room by Saturday. (We will be having a party at my place this Sunday so I need the boxes to be picked up by then.)

My room is a mess! I can't believe I have accumulated so many things in four years. I already filled up one jumbo box with shoes, books, dvd cases, cds, photo albums, writing pads, disney cans, puzzles, plates, glasses and other abubots. Now, I'm stuffing the second box with clothes. Yet after everything I have done so far, I don't get why everywhere I look there are still gazillion of stuff that need to be packed. Argghhh, it's driving me insane.

But you know what? Amidst all this madness, I did find joy -- happiness after looking at my old pictures which showcased my siopao face and enormous bod; and amusement after trying on my old pants and blouses (OMG! I was an elephant!). Not that I'm bootylicious now, coz really I am far, far away from my goal. As the saying goes, marami pa akong kakaining bigas bago maabot ang gusto ko ... or rather, marami pa akong hindi kakaining bigas ... But hey, I have come a long way baby. 'Diba prends?



what a mess!
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And you know who else is not ready to go and leave? Nikko!!! Well, he might have packed his stuff and gone home; but now, my part time lover who's been on my mind this weekend (after watching his performances over and over again) is back to get it on and prove he's worthy to be in the top 12.

For personal reasons we still do not know, Mario has withdrawn from the AI competition. To fill up the 12 spots, Nikko was called back in. I feel sorry for Mario's fans but still ... yhey for Nikko! *happy dance*

I do hope Nikko makes it to the top 4 at least. As to how to make this feat possible, (well besides praying that Nikko gives awesome performances week after week) I am calling out to my dear friends (you know who you are) and readers in the US. Please call and vote for talent ... give Nikko a chance! Of course, don't forget to vote for Anwar and Bo too! :)

My friends were laughing at me during lunch break. Why? It's because of how silly I reacted after hearing that Nikko didn't make it to the top 12. I cried and kept on blabbering about Nikko being robbed -- how way better he is vocally compared to Scott, Constantine and even Mario.

Nikko is such a talented guy. His "Part Time Lover" was good. But after hearing him sing Marvin Gaye's Let's Get It On, I became his fan. With Georgia on My Mind, I honestly thought he's going to make it to the top 4 together with Anwar, Bo and Carrie. He didn't deserve to be booted out.

Call me crazy ... but I can't help it. I really feel sad. (-_-")

Yes, I know I've been slacking off on my blogging duties. I wanted to post something early this week but unfortunately wasn't able to find time to do so.

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Work has been keeping me busy since last week especially these past few days. J, my replacement, started reporting to the office last Tuesday; which means that aside from my usual work tasks I now have to allocate time for skill transfer acquisition sessions. And you know what I realized? A career in teaching is a no-no for me. I am pretty sure I was good student back then but when it comes to being a teacher, I suck big time. Just this morning, I found myself jumping from one study item to another, repeating the same steps of a procedure, going back and forth ... it was really frustrating. I can only hope that after a month, J learns the necessary stuff in order for him to survive the first few months. If not ... well, I will be just a YM away anyway.

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My family is one AI fanatic. I learned during a chat with my brother that our dear mom is rooting for the sexy Travis Tucker while our dearest baby sister is going gaga over Mario Vazquez. As for him, it's Bo Bice (yhey! same as me) and Carrie Underwood all the way!

Speaking of AI, after this week's show, the guys are unquestionably way, way, way better than the girls this season. In fact, the worst two of the remaining guys are, if not better, as good as the best two of the remaining girls. If it's only possible, I would prefer to see 8 to 10 guys in the top 12. Now, as to who should be voted off the guys group this week ... Constantine and David (or Joe) perhaps?

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I had a blast last weekend. Together with some of my officemates from IBM, I went to Inawashiro in Fukushima for skiing. We stayed at this very nice hotel with a very nice pool and an onsen (hot spring).

Here are some pictures taken during our ski trip last weekend.



(from top-left: hotel lobby, yukata girls, x7-11, view from our room)