It's now or never

Some people may think that the main reason why I will be going home for good is because I am hoping to meet THE ONE soon (and finding him in Japan is very unlikely) since I will be turning 29 this year. I can't blame them for thinking that way because that's what I have been telling people. Although partly true, it's not something that I will place all my efforts on. And it would certainly not despair me if ever I do not find THE ONE.

Well, the thought of being single forever used to scare me to bits. The idea of not having someone to spend my lifetime with used to horrify me. The word single-blessedness used to be appalling. However, this way of thinking changed after a retreat I attended a couple of years back. In one of the sessions, we were asked to close our eyes and imagine ourselves inside a room with someone knocking at the door. We were asked to open the door and let that someone in. When I opened the door, there was this beautiful Being who held my hand, asked me to sit down with Him and said to me in the most gentle voice I have heard:

"I know you have been asking Me to send you your special someone for a while now. It must quite frustrating having to wait such a long time. And it might sound selfish but for now I want to have you for Myself first. I would like you to know what a wonderful person you are. I would like you to feel how much I love you. I hope that's okay with you..."


After hearing that, I came to realize that He needs me to know how special I am. For how I can I love another person if I haven't loved myself first.

After hearing that, it brought me to thinking why He hasn't allowed me to meet THE ONE yet. He first wants to have a strong relationship with me before I start having one with some other guy. For He knows that once I get involved with someone else, the little bond we have will weaken; and I will just be neglecting Him in the end.

After hearing that, it dawned to me how shallow and small-minded I have been. Here's this Someone who loves me unconditionally but who I have been ignoring. I couldn't help say to myself -- why have I been searching and waiting for a man who will care for me when there is this Someone who already loves and accepts me for who I am?

DDY (dadating din yun) ... a friend told me. In His time, I may meet THE ONE. But if THE ONE will not come, then I guess He hasn't found someone who's worthy of my love and attention. Or maybe, He is having too much fun with our relationship? Or maybe, He thinks that in being single, I can love and devote my life not only to one person but to a lot of people who seek for my love and attention.

And knowing that, single-blessedness doesn't seem sad and scary at all.