It's now or never

... I am not. Eventhough horror movies make me shout out loud (till now I can't watch Sixth Sense without covering my eyes during the entire movie), I am not generally afraid of ghosts and the likes. I can sleep alone in a room (I've been doing so since forever). Back in high school, I even used to take showers at midnight in our dormitory bathroom (which is actually one big bathroom with lots of cubicles) because that's the only time you can take one without having to fall in line and wait (and to think there were stories going around about chain dragging and cloth flying). Compared to others, I guess I don't get easily scared of the unnatural stuff.


But you know what I am afraid of?

... I fear the possibility of not being able to have my own baby.

... I am scared of the idea of losing someone dear to me (specifically in a violent way).

... I am afraid of the thought of being at the end of my life and finding out I have not lived a "life" at all.


On the second thought, I do am a scaredy-cat in some ways...

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Happy Halloween everyone !!!

The world is getting scarier; especially in this part of the world where I'm currently at. After the consecutive typhoons (and just days after the deadliest one in more than a decade), Japan has been hit by strong earthquakes since Saturday last week. The first one had a magnitude of 6.8 in Niigata prefecture (epicenter), 250 kilometes north of Tokyo. It was followed by two more quakes which were above 5.9 in magnitude. Up to now, aftershocks have been rattling the area almost every hour. (I think more than 300 aftershocks have been recorded so far.)

Japan, sitting atop three restless tectonic plates, is among the world's most earthquake-prone countires. There is even a study that Tokyo is due for a major earthquake within 50 years. The last destructive quake hit Tokyo in 1923 which killed at least 140,000 people. (Am I scaring you already?)

These tremors have caused a bit of a fear/alarm among us friends. Not only the tremors, but because we reside near a beach, tsunamis or tidal waves are also a major concern of ours. For the past two days, one friend of mine has been waking up very early in the morning because of the shaking she felt. (I am not sure if an earthquake did occur or just paranoia.) Just this morning, while in a meeting, I felt a strong shake and for a moment the question "Is this the one?" entered my mind. I checked the net afterwards, a magnitude of 2 was recorded in our area. I couldn't help say to myself ... only a 2.0? It felt more like a 4.0. If that was a 2.0, what would a 6.0, a 7.0 or an 8.0 be like? (When the 7.7 earthquake hit the Philippines back in 1990, I remember myself crying and calling aloud for my mama while going down a flight of stairs from the 3rd floor of our school building in Quezon City.)

When my friends and I get to talk about what's happening, we tend to make light of it so as to calm us down. Asking what prized-possession they will be bringing with them when something happens; one said a cellphone, some replied passport and money, another one said a piece of wood which can help him float (in case of flood), and quite a few answered their notebook pc being their most valuable possession at the moment. (I heard one did bring her notebook outside when the grounds shook last Saturday. =) A friend joked he (not knowing how to swim) will just tie himself to the bed so we won't have a hard time looking for him when a flood occurs. I, myself, told my friends that I will be purchasing a life boat for my DVD collection (and just wanna say sorry in advance if I won't able to let them ride with me =).

But amidst all the chuckles, each one of us knows what is truly in each of our hearts and minds -- it is the longing to be back at home ... 'cause it's times like these when we hope to be with the people who matter to us the most.

(I have been meaning to blog about this for a while now but work has prevented me from doing so.)

More than two weeks ago, I have started on a new diet (which I am sure a lot of you have already heard in one way or another) with a friend. It is called the South Beach Diet (SBD). SBD teaches you a new way of eating where you live contentedly without the bad carbohydrates and bad fats. It has 3 phases. In phase1, you are strictly prohibited to eat fruits and food rich in carbo for two weeks. During this phase, food cravings are slowly being eliminated. In phase2, some food banned during the phase 1 (fruits and carbohydrates) are slowly being introduced into your diet. This phase lasts until you reach your goal weight. After this, you can start with phase 3 where you can occasionally enjoy those sinful food. Everything must be done in moderation though.

I am on my third day on phase 2 and I truly believe this is working well for me. Not only because my weighing scale registered a 10-lb difference in just 2 weeks (Yes ... in just 2 weeks!) but also because I can now fit into a number of my "goal" clothes (you know the tops and pants you bought ages ago thinking you'll be able to use them after a month or two). Aside from that some people have told me that I'm looking really good. (Thank you! *flattered*)

Phase 2 is a bit hard since weight loss won't be that big compared with phase 1. A 1 to 2lbs loss a week would be good. It would take quite sometime before I reach my goal but that's better than nothing, right?

You know what is really great about this? A more confident Odessa has been born. \(^.^)/

I was browsing through my Friendster bulletin board when I came across this answer to a certain survey question which just made me laugh out loud.

29. is someone in-love with u?
--> no one that im aware of... もし誰かがいたら、声をかけて、手をあげてください。。。 (If there is, please raise your hand and let your voice be heard.- a rough translation)

After making a comment on my friend's answer and after all the smirking, I couldn't help but say to myself, if only life was that simple. I can just imagine myself in front of a crowd, casually asking,

"Ei, attention please ... is there someone out there who thinks I am pretty nice and wants to go out with me and see if we mesh well? Just raise your hand please. Oh... there are 3 of you. There is no problem with that. Let's meet after this and try to draw up a sked, okay? Thanks for your time everyone!" (^.^)w

Compared to other girls, I know I am a bit aggressive. (Well, I had handed out unsubtle feelers before.) But when it comes to "serious " love, I become meek and timid (and sometimes stupid). Maybe because I still have this illusion of being a damsel in waiting to be swept off my feet by my prince charming.



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10 Reasons to be happy today:

1) Having a good night of sleep.
2) Waking up to a very beautiful morning. (a clear, blue sky .. not a cloud in sight)
3) Heart-felt morning prayer.
4) Early morning jog. (and basking under the warmth of the sun)
5) Healthy and yummy breakfast.
6) Sitting in front of some guy who smelled really nice inside the train.
7) Feeling pretty and good.
8) Minor "crushing" going on. (hihihi ... hisashiburi feeling)
9) Good morning e-mails.
10) Blogging again!

Have a great day and a wonderful weekend ahead! God bless everyone!


"Let us wake at the morning and be filled with Your love
And sing songs of praise all our days
For Your love is as high at the heavens above us
And Your faithfulness as certain as the dawn"

At the SFC retreat I attended last weekend, I finally identified the root cause of my weakness in decision making -- it is the lack of self-control.

If you have been following this blog, you should know by now that there are different areas in my life that I don't have control of. For one, my emotions do sometimes get out hand making me say things which I regret later on. I have addictions that keeps me from getting enough sleep which surely has a great effect on my health (I might not feel anything now, but oh boy when I get old). It's good though that my desire for food has slowly diminished. :)

So, how are decision-making and self-control related?

Being in control of yourself means being able to answer for your actions; it means being responsible for your own decisions or choices in life. And that's precisely the area I am not good at. Thus most of the time, I let the others do the deciding for me; I let someone else take charge. Or I just let nature takes its course.

And this has to stop! Major changes must be done. I badly need to regain control of myself. According to the teachings, here some pointers on how to grow in self- control:

1) Decide for it. (I am decided!)
2) Trust God for it. (I completely trust in You.)
3) Live in an ordered environment. (Decluttering of habitation to follow.)
4) Map out a course of action and pursue it patiently. (Goals ... here I come!)
5) Guard your thoughts. (Tukso layuan mo ako.)
6) Get help. (Friends ... friends ... need your help.)

"I have the strength to face all conditions by the power that Christ gives me." - Philippians 4:13

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Did you know that self-control produces confidence and inner strength? Yes, it does. It is also the virtue that makes the other virtues (love, discipline, meekness, zeal, joy, sorrow, faithfulness, patience and perseverance) possible.

A friend of mine (thanks la!) sent me a link to this super nice video and I just want to share it with you.

Enjoy!

[This video made me cry (hehehe .. iyakin talaga). It made me want to go home and see all the wonderful places in the Philippines.]

Of the four seasons, I love autumn the most. The world (at least in this part of the world) becomes more beautiful. The weather is perfect; just cold enough to wear those dark-colored clothes which have a slimming effect. (Well, I am not really into pastel which is associated with spring. As for winter, you get so bundled up that you end up looking twice your actual body size which is really not flattering for someone like me.) The surroundings are filled with rich colors of orange, red, brown and golden yellow. And as the leaves start to fall, the ambience turns mysterious. The atmosphere seems more quiet and tranquil.

For some reason, I tend to associate autumn with love. I truly believe that it's the best season for people in a relationship. Maybe because everything seems magical and romantic during this time of the year.

There's this park in Shinjuku which is so beautiful especially during fall. It has this wide area where you can have a picnic or simply have a seat, relax and enjoy the beauty around. Since the year 2001, I have been going to the park every autumn. It has become one of my favorite places in Japan. There was a time when I thought I would finally have a special someone to enjoy this magical season with. I was looking forward for autumn to come. I couldn't wait to share with him this romantic place. But, way before the maple leaves have turned red (actually is it was still the peak of summer), everything went pfffttt. Nevertheless, I still enjoyed autumn that year; and I intend to enjoy this year's too.




Shinjuku Park

I am Odessa ... and I'm a TV (show) addict. I have lost many hours of sleep because of TV shows. First there was Friends; next came Carrie with the girls (SATC) and Will&Grace. Then someone introduced me to Gilmore Girls and Smallville. I won't even deny the fact that I also caught the Dao Ming bug (Meteor Garden). I can still remember the time when I ran after my co-TV addict barefoot outside the apartment at around 3AM because she took one CD in order to make sure I won't watch it without her. It was a riot.:D After that, there was Sydney and the Rambaldi (Alias). And if you have read my previous entry, you should know that I watched CSI nonstop for 9 hours last weekend.

I thought nothing can top that but I was proven wrong when I met Jack Bauer. I started watching the season 2 of 24 yesterday at around 1AM. Just one episode, I said to myself. The next thing I knew it was already 4AM and I was into my 4th episode. I even sent an IM to my friend who was also still up, watching 24 and told her my dilemma. But what can she do? She is also an addict herself. If she lived nearby, we would surely be watching the show together.:D One episode after another, the sun was up and then it was already time to take a bath and prepare for work. After having no sleep for more than 24 hours, here I am, still up and just finished watching another 4 episodes of 24. I am taking a break now only to blog; currently thinking if I should hit the sack ... or just one more episode perhaps ...

Of the many science units I took back in high school, I enjoyed Chemistry the most. Biology was a blah. (Actually, I was really bad at memorizing scientific names of plants & animal and their classifications (family, order, class, etc.) Physics was too theoretical with all its theorems and laws. But the world of Chemistry was simply exciting for me; naming of compounds, balancing chemical equations, chemical reactions, etc. In my second year of chemistry (3rd year HS), we had this lesson on identifying compounds in solutions based on their physical properties (color, smell, etc.) and chemical reactions to some tests (like the litmus paper test, addition of other chemicals which may result to a change in color, formation of bubbles, gas release, precipitation or some other reaction). I think I was able to identify only one component of the solution that was given to me during our lab exam; but nevertheless, it was during that time when I decided that I want to take a Chemistry-related course in college. However, I was not able to go for what I wanted. Computers were really hot that time and my father wanted me to take computer engineering instead. Since there was nothing much I can do, that was what I studied in college (even when I was already in my 2nd year of college, both my teachers in Chem1 and Chem2 were still encouraging me to shift to BS Chemistry. :D); and here I am now ... part of the IT world (and can't hardly remember the things I learned in Chemistry).

So, what brought back all these memories? CSI. I fell asleep around 530AM after watching CSI non-stop from 8PM last night. I find the show fascinating. I am really impressed with the way they solve one crime after another. (Yep, I am fully aware it's only acting pero kahit na.) I am amazed how they can determine the cause of one person's death based on the evidence they are able to collect. Even the way they collect for signs and traces is impressive. How one evidence leads to another one; and when put together, present a clear picture of what had happened. Not to mention the tools and equipments in their lab which they use for visual and audio analysis, DNA determination and trace analysis ... simply wow!

Wouldn't it be cool to have a job like that? To be a forsenic forensic expert? I think I would be good at it. Aside from my love of chemistry, I can be very nosy. :D I am also a meticulous person (even have an OCD tendency). I am not sure though if I would not puke when things turn too gory.

Not only is he cute, he is also one hell of a baseball player. Suzuki Ichiro of the Seattle Mariners just broke an 84-year-old MLB record -- the most number of hits in a season. Isn't he great?



"Through my career, I think this is the best moment. I can't really put it into words." 　--　イチロー --

Happy birthday Jhinggay!!!
As you turn a year older,
I pray for you happiness and love.
God bless you gurl!