It's now or never

People come and go in our life. Many just pass by and become acquaintances. But some, either through time or instant connection, become what we call as friends.

Having lived in quite a number of places in my 28 years of existence, I have met a number of people who I consider as friends. I have my neighbors and grade school classmates who were my playmates during my growing up years as a kid. I sometimes see them when I go home to Iligan for vacation. I have my high school friends who I met when I studied in Manila. Living away from home at an early age of 12, they made my life less lonelier and more fun despite tons of grueling exams, projects and homeworks. I seldom see them but everytime I get a chance to go to Manila, I meet and hang-out with some of them without fail. And when I meet up with them, there is always an instant reconnection; it is as if I was not separated from them for a long time. I also have my friends from college who made my life in Cebu fun and exciting. They helped me survived EE21 under the hands of Engr. Hilarion Lim. They were also the ones who introduced me to Mr. Gilbeys and Mr. Cuervo.:D Some were there to guide, help and comfort me in my first relationship. Then, there are my friends from work; some I met in Alabang, some in Cebu and some here in Japan. Some are still with the company; some already left for greener pastures. These people insert fun times in between tasks and workloads; making work less like work. A few I have really gotten close with. This friendship I have with them will surely last until all of us are already married with kids.:D Hopefully it will last a lifetime.

Sadly, I have lost some of my friends; one due to sickness, a few because of misunderstandings and petty quarrels, and one because things became complicated. Quite a few, I simply lost in touch with because of time and distance. I hope and pray that we get to celebrate our friendship again someday.

*****
Kat said that relationships which start from friendship are more stronger and more grounded, most likely to work-out and last. I do agree with her.

But then, in a way, I lost a friend through that. Because some things are just not meant to be, things could never be the same way again between us. Though, despite the tears in the end, I would never trade the memories coz I was really happy during those times (as short as it was), there are fleeting moments when I can't help but say to myself "if only things were different ... if only none was started ... if only we didn't cross that line ... if only we remained as friends". I want to go back to those times when an occasional funny i-know-you're-missing-me-and-dying-to-receive-a-note-from-me email from him would just bring a smile to my face, lift up my spirit and make my day. Some contained just a line or two, some made to appear longer with lyrics from a song ... but knowing that a friend in another part of the world is thinking of me and wondering how I am doing just made a difference.

[ I wonder if you still have the keychain (na nilait-lait mo lng) I gave to you a few Christmas ago. =) ]

Every 29th of September, Iligan (city of waterfalls) is the place to be for fiesta-goers; actually it is a month long celebration in honor of St. Michael the Archangel. There are different activities you can watch or participate in like tournaments (tennis, bowling, etc.), concerts, the Miss Iligan beauty pageant, street dancing, the panaad & procession and many more.

It has been quite a while since the last time I was in Iligan for the fiesta. (Yikees, I can't remember when that was.) When I was still in grade school, my family rarely attended the street dancing because it was too crowded. I do remember the few times I was able to witness the event. People who were part of the parade were garbed in different costumes; but most of them were either in angel costumes or had their body painted in black (representing the wicked devil). They danced on the street while shouting "Viva Senor San Miguel!". Those black-painted people, being playful, smudged some of the bystanders' face or clothing (it's not advisable to wear white or other light-colored clothing for this event). It was really fun. I wonder if it's still the same now.

FOOD ... there's a lot of that in every home. You can have lunch at one place, snacks at another and then go to another place for dinner. You will even find some houses celebrating on the eve (biesperas) of the fiesta. Aahhh the smell of food ... I can now imagine our dining table filled with lechon, dinuguan, kaldereta, papait, embutido, macaroni salad, chocolate cake, etc. Oh how I long to be home! (I better call home right after posting this entry. *inggitin ang sarili ba*)

To the Iliganons, Maayong Piyesta!!! Viva Senor San Miguel!!!


*****
Speaking of food, I just learned that the wife of my friend doesn't eat fruits of any kind. She is not allergic; she just doesn't like the smell of fruits especially the sweet kind. Isn't that weird?

To help me achieve the goals I have set for myself, I invested on a new gadget. :D My new digital audio (256mb) player is small, ultra-light and very easy to use. It can carry around 60 songs (4hours of mp3 music) and plays FM radio. Aside from that, it also has a built-in microphone for voice recordings. And what's truly amzing with the MuVo TX FM is that it also serves as a USB (2.0) memory key. You can easily transfer music or data files from your PCs with no cables or installation software needed. Just drag-and-drop! Plus, you can take pictures with it.(Hehehe ... just kidding! :D)

Where else can you get that?




Being skip free, it is perfect for rigorous exercise and activities. Working out will never be the same again. Just this morning, I used it during my jog, and time just flew by. I am hoping to get this one though. (Can't find one being sold here; I think you need to order this from them.)

For someone who can hardly carry a tune, I belted out one song after another last weekend until the guitarist couldn't strum the guitar anymore. Yep, that's how much I love to sing (even if often times I make-up my own lyrics :). My sister, who's the singer in the family, compares my singing with Ate Vi's singing lip-synching on her show Vilma back in the late 80's; her voice is synthesized for her to sound okay. But what I can't comprehend is the fact that my friend (and my number one fan.. hehehe) K likes to hear me sing and encourages me to do so. She even has this list of songs she loves (?) hearing me sing. (I really think something is wrong with her eardrums. :D )

"Oh, as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive ... I've got all my life to live and I've got all my love to give ... And I'll survive, I will survive, hey, hey...."


*****
One thing I'm sure I am not weak at (doesn't necessarily mean I am also proud of) is tequila drinking. I have a high tolerance for alcohol that I can even out drink most of my guy friends; but I am no lasenggera. I am only an occasional drinker, not a habitual one. I have been asked by some friends (who do not drink) what it is with drinking that I like so much. Hhmmm ... *think* ... *think* ... it is surely not the taste. I guess its the giddy and light-headed feeling that it brings. It makes you forget problems and concerns even for just a short period of time. On the contrary, it can also bring out the inner hurts and pains you have buried or are trying to bury and forget. In this way, it acts as an outlet of your hidden feelings which I believe should be let out in order to move on.


*****
One of my Friendster testimonials says that I make a party/gathering livelier and conversations more interesting. I have often wondered if I talk too much. Just last weeked, I asked my friend if I am being too loud and that if it's better for me to shut up. She said that it's okay and I shouldn't stop coz it makes everything more fun. Since I am not sure if the rest share the same opinion, I still think I better learn to mellow down a bit.

So what's the point of this entry?

What I am really trying to say it's not everyday that someone like you comes my way is that I am a just girl who wants to have fun. I know some may find my ways irritating because it seems as if I love getting all the attention. Maybe that is true ... or maybe, it's the only way I know to make a certain someone to notice me. ;D

A birthday prayer:

Heavenly Father, I praise and thank you for the many blessings You have given to me and my family. Thank you Lord for sending to us an angel who has been a constant source of great joy.

As our babyluv Lucas celebrates his first birthday today, I pray that You fill his heart and soul with love and goodness. Give him good health and always protect him from any harm. May you also dwell in the hearts of the people around him. May they be a source of strength and wisdom for our boy. Guide them to be good examples to him as he grows up to be a good Christian.

Amen.





Isn't he adorable?

Three of my friends will be embarking on a new journey soon. One will be going home for good after a 2-year stay in Japan, two will be leaving our company and start a new career somewhere else. I feel happy and excited for them coz they have been hoping for this but still I can't help myself from feeling sad.

With my reaction regarding their moving on, I couldn't help but wonder how my friends are feeling right now. I talked to them just recently and asked how things have been. More or less, I was expecting a "I am excited and could not wait to start this new journey", but it didn't totally surpise me when I got a different answer. Well, I just wanna say,

"I know you've wanted this for so long. In some ways, you are looking forward and excited to embark on this new journey. Yet, you can't help but feel sad and melancholy. You are now having second thoughts and have started asking yourself if you have made the right decision. Don't you worry, that's a normal reaction. You have been used to this kind of life. Change can be scary. And you know what's the hardest part in the process of moving on? It is leaving behind the people you have grown to love and care for. But don't fret, distance doesn't change anything; a friend will always be a friend. They are just an IM, a text, a call or an e-mail away.=) Hey, I wish you the best in life. My prayers will be with you always. (And kung sa McDo pa, kita-kits!)"

What makes a good relationship? What does it take to make romance work? Does having spark enough to make a relationship last and lead to a successful marriage?

For Carrie, a relationship is not a relationship without the zsa zsa zsu (a.k.a. that special something that gives you butterflies in the stomach). I think she has a point. According to my friend, starting a relationship with me is not possible simply because there's no spark. (Yep, he thought about it and considered before.) We are good friends, we are comfortable in each other's presence and we have a lot of things in common; but the zsa zsa zsu, the spark that makes a romance work, just isn't there.

..........
Last Sunday, I had a late lunch with some friends. One of the topics of our conversation was about relationships. This guy friend of mine, as eligible as he is, is still very much single. I told him maybe he's being too choosy. Like for instance, he has this lady friend who is pretty, sexy, smart and very interested in him. Yet, for him, pursuing her is out of the question. His reason? Well, he said, being with her is just too tiring. I guess he has a point. You wouldn't want to be in a relationship where you need to pretend or exert too much effort just to be in the same level with your partner.

What he said made me think of myself ... of how the opposite sex may see me. Am I the high maintenance kind of gal? Am I tiring to be with? And I can't help but wonder, is that why he gave up on me?

..........
According to this same friend of mine, when choosing a partner in life, a positive answer to questions such as: "Can I bring this person to my home and meet my parents? Can I imagine spending the rest of my life with this person? Would this person be a good parent?" is more important than good looks and sexy body. And I definitely agree with that.

..........
"Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies." - Carrie

For the past months, I have been thinking whether to go home for good this coming December or stay here in Japan a little bit longer. After careful considerations, I was slowly welcoming the idea of staying until March next year.

However, just this morning I found out that my life will be taking a different course. I had a meeting with my boss to discuss the new project we will be starting on this October. Based on the project schedule, final release will be on June 2005. After hearing the sked, I informed my boss about my plans of going home for good March next year. He replied that doing so is not possible coz March is in the middle of a critical phase. In fact, going home after June is still out of the question since this project is a new one thus we will be expecting quite a number of problems even after the release. Doing skill transfer during that time is not advisable. It will also be a waste of time and resources. Now, it's a choice of going home this coming December or December next year. And definitely, December 2005 is a no-no for me; which means I will be going home sooner than I expected.

Though I haven't told him about my final decision, I think he already has an idea of how things will turn out. I guess he noticed my apprehensions during the meeting. He is really supportive; as much as he wants me to stay, he is aware of my longing to go home and be close to my family considering that I've been in Japan for more than 3 years now. He just wants me to think it over, decide and then inform him.

The reality of it sinking in left me numb. It was quite a shock. Then I started to panic. There so many things I need to do: finish remaining work items (na super dami pa talaga), prepare for skill transfer, pack my one million and one stuff (I have accumulated so much things!) and so on and so forth. After talking about it with my friends over the net, I suddenly felt relieved and excited. I began looking forward to my going home.

It is right time to begin a new chapter in my life. I wonder what lies ahead this new path. I do hope and pray that it will be filled with lots of colors and beautiful music. (^.^)

(Now I wonder why I've been putting this one off.)

Today is a holiday in Japan; it's a day for the old. (Yep, they have such a holiday like a day for the children and for people who are coming of age.) During this Sunday's mass sermon, the officiating priest, who's already 73 years old, talked about how we should be prepared for our own old age though they may seem years, years away. That when that time comes, we should be able to look back and be glad how things have turned out. That one should start planning one's life as early as now.

For someone who's not good at making decisions, planning one's life is next to impossible. Just last Saturday, I had a difficulty deciding whether to go to the gym or go swimming the next day. Yep, things as simple as that ... what more for heavy matters such as answers to the question "Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?".

Actually, I do have a concrete answer to that question. But no matter how much I want it to happen, it's not something I have a complete control of. However, there are some little things I can do to make this plan of mine more tangible. And last Saturday night, my friend and I talked about planning our life and setting goals. They don't have to be big and life-altering; little ones will do. So far, I have set a few ones for myself. These are my goals for the remaining months of this year and next year:

1. Lose 5 kilos by December 2004.
2. Pass JLPT.
3. Lose another 5kilos by March 2005. (so that's 10kls less my weight now)
4. Go to Boracay or Palawan next summer.
5. Weigh around 55-65 kilos by next birthday.
6. Participate in GK777.
7. Learn how to play the guitar.
8. Learn how to drive a car by December 2005.

These goals may be silly and senseless for some people; but for me, achieving them would lead me closer to my ultimate goal and eventually bring me true happiness. And hopefully, when old age comes, I will be able to look back and say, "Life was good."

I remember not too long ago, during a not so busy day in the office, my friend K and I were talking about different stuff when the subject matter of favorites came up. One of us said (I can't remember if it was her or me) that we might find ourselves in a situation where we will be asked what our favorite movie is but since we didn't come prepared, we end up naming one lame movie and that may cause the downfall of our career or the abrupt end of a possible relationship (hehehe...ang drama!). And so we thought that we better come up with a list of our favorites which may come handy in case the need arises.

So what is your all time favorite movie?

That question made me squint my eyes, crease my forehead, stare at the ceiling, think hard for 30 secs and then say -- can I have more than one?

Of course not, you can only have one all time favorite!

After another round of squinting, creasing, staring and thinking, I ended up saying -- can I have my answers sub-categorized? like favorite comedy movie, drama, action, epic and so on and so forth?

I realized that naming favorites is one difficult task for someone who likes various things. You can't make me choose between LOTR and Bridget Jones Diary; they are two entirely different movies and I love them both. I am like the Golden Globes, there should be one favorite for the musical-comedy category and another one for drama category. And it's much more difficult for someone who tries to come up with favorites which won't make him appear too cheesy or stupid. Like for instance, when asked what your favorite book is, naming a book by Judith McNaught or Nora Roberts doesn't sound too impressive when compared to naming one by Steinbeck or Hemingway right?

Well, I wasn't able to come up with my favorites that day. So, I thought of having one right now. But since having just one favorite doesn't work for me, I'm gonna list three per category (hoping I can remember at least one of them when asked). Here's my short list:

What is your favorite ...

... movie?
-- LOTR (please don't make me choose just one of the three :D)
-- Bridget Jones Diary
-- The Shawshank Redemption

... book? (arghhh, still hard to choose just 3)
-- Gone with the Wind (Margaret Mitchell)
-- Interpreter of Maladies (Jhumpa Lahiri)
-- Bridget Jones Diary (Helen Fielding)

... song?
-- More than words (Extreme)
-- You should know by now (Angela Bofill)
-- I will survive (Gloria Gaynor)

... TV series?
-- Sex and the City - I likey!
-- Friends
-- Will & Grace

... fruit?
-- strawberries
-- grapes
-- banana

... vegetable?
-- broccoli
-- carrot
-- squash

(That's enough for now ... it's late and I can't afford additional creases in my forehead.)

How about you? What are your favorites?

Isn't she simply amazing?

I am a certified crybaby. I was up till the wee hours of the morning crying my eyes out while watching a japanese drama series called Beautiful Life. Actually, it's the nth time I have watched this drama but still it made me cry bawl like a baby; resulting to a runny nose and swollen eyes.

The first time I saw Beautiful Life was 3 years ago. I got hold of the DVD copy from a friend on a Friday night and finished watching it by Saturday morning. (The drama series has 11 one-hour long episodes.) I raved about it to a friend and she wanted to watch it too so I ended up watching it again (which I was happy to oblige) for the second time on the night of that same Saturday. We weren't able to watch the whole thing in one sitting though; but I think we finished it within 3 days. I loved the drama so much that I purchased my own DVD copy. It also started my Japanese drama craze and had me going to Tsutaya, renting out other Japanese TV drama series.

To improve my Japanese listening skills, I thought of watching the drama again last Monday. (I have been regularly watching drama series on TV but unfortunately none caught my interest this season.) And again, it didn't fail to tug my heart. So what's so good about this drama? (For the synopsis, please see link of drama.) Aside from the good acting of the dashing Kimura Takuya and the beautiful Tokiwa Takako, this heartwarming drama shows how love conquers all despite physical limitations.

ねえ、柊二。この世は綺麗だったよ。
高さ１００センチから見る、世界は綺麗だったよ。
あなたと会って、ラスト何か月かで、私の人生は星屑をまいたように輝いたんだ。。。

It has been 3 months! Maybe a short period for some people; but for me, it's like an eternity. I find it hard to believe that I can hold on to something like this (which I was hesitant to start with in the first place) this long. As what I have written in my first entry, I am no writer. Friends from high school and college, and even my friends from work, were pleasantly surprised when they read my blog. One person said, "Uy Odette, you can write pala." Yep, many people didn't think that I could put into writing the stuff inside my head. Heck, even I wasn't aware I had it in me. (As if meron nga ba?)

Apparently, they are right. I am no writer. I consult a dictionary when I want to look for the perfect word. I ask my closest friends to read my entry and tell me right away if I made a major grammar boo-boo. Does this make me a fraud?

Well, what I am sure of is - I am just a girl who recently found the desire to express what's inside my heart and mind; hoping that putting them into words would make it easier dealing with my emotions; and that, in one way or another, what I have written would touch somebody's heart or put a smile on some person's face. (Para bang ang dami kong readers ... hehehe. Sa mga nagtitiyaga, salamat po!)

Isn't it great when two people meet and fall head over heels in love.

I am soooo happy for my friend who has found the love of her life.

Batman and Catwoman, wishing you the best in everything!

Here's something nice I read in one of the e-mails I received today.

Dear GOD:

I want to thank You for what you have already done.

I am not going to wait until I see results or receive rewards,
I am thanking you right now.

I am not going to wait until I feel better or things look better,
I am thanking you right now

I am not going to wait until people say they are sorry or until they stop talking about me,
I am thanking you right now.

I am not going to wait until the pain in my body disappears,
I am thanking you right now.

I am not going to wait until my financial situation improves,
I am going to thank you right now.

I am not going to wait until the children are asleep and the house is quiet.
I am going to thank you right now.

I am not going to wait until I get promoted at work or until I get the job.
I am going to thank you right now.

I am not going to wait until I understand every experience in my life that has caused me pain or grief,
I am going to thank you right now.

I am not going to wait until the journey gets easier or the challenges are removed,
I am thanking you right now.

I am thanking you because I am alive.
I am thanking you because I made it through the day's difficulties.
I am thanking you because I have walked around the obstacles.
I am thanking you because I have the ability and the opportunity to
do more and do better.
I'm thanking you because, FATHER, YOU haven't given up on me.

There is so much in life that we should be thankful for. Yet most of the time, we focus on our problems and sorrows. We tend to be envious of the things we don't have. We complain about the stuff which makes our life miserable.

For a change, let us focus on the blessings, even the little ones, we have in our life: the gift of life, family, friends, good health, daily provision, a good chat with a friend, a friendly smile from a stranger and even the trials and problems we encounter day to day - because of them we become stronger and wiser. At this moment, think of something which you're grateful for, smile a little and say thanks.

[Thank You for the unconditional love You have for me. (^.^)]

I am not sure if it is just me but when it comes to a guy I'm not interested in, I can be funny and playful to the point where I could teasingly pair myself up with him.

[Some observers (people who don't know me well) may even think that either I am flirt or a just desperate 28-year-old woman.]

Yet, when it's a guy I feel something for, I get tongue-tied and blush like a silly high school girl.

Well the point is, I just realized, as hard as it is to move on, time does heal wounds.

I am really doing fabulous!

Happy birthday Krish!I wish you happiness and love today and always!

"...the stars are always there, even in the daytime. Sometimes we just can't see them." -- Angels by Marian Keyes

I created a separate blog for the Japanese lessons.

Please see link: http://nihongolesson.blogspot.com

I have decided to push through with my daily "Japanese lesson" posting. In this way, aside from helping out friends, I will be forced to do some studying on a regular basis.:D (Hhmmmm ... maybe posting won't be done on weekends . I don't want to appear too geeky.:D)

Each lesson will be taken from the reviewers (list of kanji and sentence patterns) that sensei handed out before. After reading the lesson, try to come up with your own sentences. And if you want, you can post it in here (as a comment) or leave a message on my YM; and we'll check if the usage is correct. Since I am no expert myself, I can ask for sensei's help. (I can also ask help from my Japanese cubicle mates.) Also, if you see any errors or you have some questions or suggestions, please inform me.

頑張りましょう！

Last month, I promised to myself that I would try to update my blog at least three times a week. And I think I've been doing great until recently. Have I been this busy that I haven't posted a thing since last week? Well, not really ... maybe a teeny-weeny bit. I was quite busy with work the past three days; I even had to stay at the office past 10pm (which is something I haven't done for a while). Besides that, things are pretty much the same.


Well, last weekend was fun. Four of my friends celebrated their birthdays. There was a party -- a wholesome one with games, lots of food and a limited amount of alcohol. (Mr. Cuervo was not invited; maybe because he overstayed the weekend before that. And what a nerve! Bringing along a friend whose name I forgot but whose effect I can clearly remember. =) Again, happy birthday guys!!!



Also last weekend, I learned how to play mahjong! (Is this something to be proud of? :D) It isn't as complicated as I thought. At first, identifying the characters and choosing what combination to form were a little bit confusing. But after a while, I got the hang of it and things became easy. I even won three times! (So, mga mare, when will be the next session? lol)


What else ... hhmmm, I received a wonderful news yesterday from the company I work for. The company will be providing "special allowance" to level 1 and level 2 passers of the Japanese Language Proficiency Test. The allowance is quite BIG. It will surely motivate people to study harder. I took the level 2 exam last December but unfortunately I failed.=( Anyway, I will be taking the exam again this December. Unlike last year, I plan to study ahead of time (not cram eveything a week before the exam). And I do hope and pray that this time around I can make it!

[I'm thinking of making a daily japanese lesson entry (something like word and sentence pattern of the day). This would surely help me in my preparation for the exam; and maybe, it can also be of great help to others. Wadda you think?]

September is here.

It means fall is near.

It also means Christmas is just around the corner.

Soon, I will have to decide whether to go back to the Philippines or stay here a little longer.

"...it's pain that changes our lives." -- shopgirl by Steve Martin

Dating scares me a bit. Maybe because I am not used to it. With my first boyfriend (well, before we became a WE), since it was sort of an unforbidden thing, a friend of mine was with us most of the time. (At first, I even thought he was interested in my friend.) Yep, he had to spend a little more money just to get to know me better. With the second one, since we were friends, it was not even called a "date"; it was called a "gimik". I remember my friends teasing and laughing at me when I insisted we were not going on a date coz he didn't ask me the question "Can we go out on a date?" but instead asked "Gusto mo gumimik?".=D Well, besides that, there were a couple more but just the "friendly" kind.

Well, a couple of weeks ago, my friend T and her Japanese friend R-chan stayed overnight at my place. As expected when a bunch of girls get together, a lot of talking happened. We got to talk about how bad my Japanese still was even after 3 years in Japan. R-chan suggested that I should get myself a Japanese boyfriend; and in that way, I would surely improve my Japanese. T and R-chan then thought of Japanese guys they know who they can introduce me to. I just laughed when they started naming names coz I didn't think they were serious about it. Well, last Friday I received an email from T telling me than R-chan is asking if I am okay with the idea of meeting her cousin and if so, when will I be available. What? Is she serious? -- that was the first thing that entered my mind. For someone who is not comfortable going on dates, the "blind" kind is somewhat terrifying. I can't imagine myself going out on a date with someone I don't know at all. So, I told T that I think it would be better if we first hang out as a group; then, we'll just see what happens after that. (I was told that Japanese are not into "group dates".)

Going out and meeting new people is a nice thing. Actually, I find it rather exciting. What I am really afraid of is the reaction I will be receiving from the other party when he sees me. I can't afford my pride (what's left of it anyway) to be trampled upon.


(Insecurity stikes again.)